"Good morning madam. I've come to......"

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs.
Smith cut in.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun too....you can
really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for
Harry and me!"

 

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, my, that's a lot of .of.....!!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.

 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.  "This was done on the top of a bus."

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park
and get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
 amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three
hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling; I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness
approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it
all in".

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
chewed on your...um...equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up
my tripod so that we can get to work"

"Tripod???!!"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
 much too big for me to hold for very long.......Madam?
Madam?...Good Lord, she's fainted....!"